And for the first time in my life, I'm unemployed.
After 23 years of school, SAT's; GRE's; Clinical Competency exams; 3 years of dissertation research; and 6 years of supervised training in counseling centers, state hospitals, community programs, and private practice... I finally earned my doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University.
Unfortunately, psychology doctoral grads can't get licensed to practice independently until we complete additional post-doc hours of supervised practice (for most states this equals 1900 hours of clinical practice under a licensed supervisor). And while there's a job shortage throughout the nation, you can imagine that there are even fewer employers eager to hire an unlicensed psychologist for whom they will also need to provide a licensed supervisor.
During this lull in my employment, I am taking classes in psychopharmacology online. I'm also painting the walls and putting in wood floors in my rented cottage. I take the dog running, and I've washed a ridiculous amount of small loads of laundry. I read about yoga, and sometimes I even do it. There are days that are productive... but then there are also days that feel incredibly bleak. I am afraid for my future, especially in my ability to support myself this year. I'm uncertain whether I will have to move in the next few months, and I don't know if my relationship can sustain the mounting financial stress now that my savings is running out.
I miss being a therapist. I miss connecting with my clients, caring for those who would otherwise feel alone, providing a safe place, a respite; where I have the privilege to share in and learn from the experience and growth of others. It is very special work.
There are occasions when, despite the challenges, I feel centered and spiritually sound-- usually after doing some reading or yoga. My fear temporarily vanishes and I am left completely present in whatever I have going on in the moment. Unfortunately, in the last eight weeks that I have been unemployed, I've seen that those moments are all too fleeting.
Last month a friend and I wandered into a Borders bookstore which was having a "going out of business" clearance sale. Because I still couldn't afford to actually purchase a book, I made a place for myself on the floor of a back aisle to peruse some of what I thought were interesting titles, including Organized Simplicity, by Tsh Oxenreider. When my friend finally dragged me away from my pile in the corner I tracked down Oxenreider's blog. There were so many unique and inspiring resources on the site. Even though I'm not a mom, I especially loved the Simple Mom co-site, which features sage advice for anyone. Today's email update from Simple Mom featured the following statement, and inspired me to do the same:
This is my entry in the Just Ask Bucket List Getaway Giveaway. Just Ask offers a breast and ovarian cancer screening and is encouraging people to share 15 things that I want to enjoy in my lifetime as a reminder to be aware of my health. Want to enter? Head over to TodaysMama.com to get the details.
So, at this time in my life when I am unsure of all things ahead, here are at least 15 things I know I'd like to do...
1. Tour Europe on a non-student budget
2. Contribute to a humanitarian/psychology-based intervention in Africa
3. Get prescription privleges
4. Have a long lasting, committed, happy marriage or partnership with someone I admire
5. Raise children who know without a doubt that they are loved
6. Build a house
7. Pay off my student loans and finally live debt-free
8. Have a healthy retirement fund
9. Teach at a community college or public university
10. Sail on my own
11. Contribute something novel and useful to the field of psychology
12. Make a living practicing psychology
13. Become an experienced practitioner of yoga
14. Stay in one of those over-the-water huts somewhere in French Polynesia
15. Have a garden where I grow my own fruit and vegetables
Plus one more for good measure...
16. Feel spiritual bliss- even momentarily- again
